The man with two left feet flops again

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 21:33:25 GMT

I have many shortcomings, most of which I shall never be able to make amends for... but there is one "I really can't" that continues to haunt me and make my life miserable. One major confession coming up. You see... even though the mood is right... the girl is pretty and is making all the right moves... that smile on her face - really captivating ... and the eyes ... oh don't get me started on them... and well there is music playing... its at times like that when I have to deal with the fact that I'm really not upto it.
Yup... its true.... I really, really really can't dance.Really. That’s it.
Don't read too much into it. No substitutes here. We're talking about stuff like grooving to the music... simple steps that everyone else seems to be carrying off perfectly... except for yours truly who tends to look like a refrigerator attempting the moonwalk. Lets face it... I never was really into dancing when I was a kid. I grew up watching the same stuff as other kids... but somehow I concentrated more on the fight sequences then the dancing around trees and other assorted objects that goes around in the movies. Not that it would've helped... I can't do any of Jackie Chan's stunts...can squint but not like Eastwood and my lines are no where as dramatic as Salim-Javed scripts... but I do know the basics on diffusing bombs (cut the red wire or take it and run into a secluded area) , war strategy ( whether you're in Kargil or WWII... never show pics of your family/ girlfriend when you are on the battlefield) and other assorted stuff that movies are all about. So my accomplishments at dance are few and far between. To be honest... there's only two...and they were three years apart... the last one being in December 1992. I actually was tied second place in a small informal school overnight party in the fifth standard.... wherein I was smart enough to ape the movements of the guy who eventually won. Then... I was part of a group "tribal dance" performance in the eighth standard... my credentials being
a.) The lucky guys got to stay out of it
b.) My History teacher was in charge and she dragged me into it.
My performance was... well average... I think I was somewhere in the back row and no one except my cousin Madhurima ought to remember any of it. (And if she's smart enough she'll keep it to herself)

So anyway... yours truly is back in Aurangabad... is spending the weekend there on work he has no hope of finishing and was invited to a party hosted at the Taj. I had second thoughts about going because well... I really didn't know too many people and.... I had a vague idea that it would involve... dancing. Then again... I had two good reasons... good food ( I was tired of the stuff I eat at my hotel) and a very cute girl I'm really really crazy about. Instinct triumphed over logic... on points... so I ended up showing up for the party a couple of hours late. The bulk of the dancing was over... the food was still around.... the girl was stunning.... and raving about the events that I'd missed and the dance sessions that ( I thought) were now over. Well... all hopes of a conversation were put to rest when the next call for the dance floor was made. So I eat in a hurry... and well... proceed to the dance floor. Tactical support (now elevated to the rank of Chief of Staff... ) a very sweet girl I know who's swears she's not going to advise me on these matters gives me the first piece of real advice "Anirban... I've seen you dance. Don't dance. That’s the only thing that’s wrong with you." Of course... like all tactical support teams... there's always a caveat. "Go enjoy yourself. Don't worry." Apparently... tactical support wasn't informed there was Himesh Reshamiya playing in the background. Followed by Jassi & Brazil ( why in the world are they still playing songs that seemed to be over and done with 10 years ago?) Anyway... I had the moves in my head... my body seemed to be on a different planet... my brain was giving instructions to move hands in sync just like the others around me... my body was least interested in complying. After a laborious 60 seconds that felt like 2 minutes... I was pretty much ready to give up. So I did what any smart guy would do... pretended to receive a phone call... and actually called up tactical support. Then went back... and watched breathtakingly beautiful girl I'm really really crazy about (previously referred to as very cute girl I'm really really crazy about) on the dance floor. I can tell you this... she was hell of a lot better than most of the people there... but then my opinion is far from objective. Damn. I wish I had learnt to dance. If I could go back in time... I probably would grab the younger version of me and explain to him that HRITHIK gets the girls... Peter Parker only has MJ because its a comic book and no superhero can be a total loser. Ratna Pathak's cute... but then these theatre artists think differently... and we never heard of Naseeruddin Shah & Zeenat Aman combo... even if it was the 70s. Amitabh has his 'trademark' movements. Dharmendra has a single steel cable endorsement to boast of. Get the point?

Lessons learnt:
1. You cannot avoid it. Every party has dancing.
2. Don't skip the beer. It makes you a better dancer. At least it makes you care less.
3. Don't leave your handbag unattended. Especially when it contains your cellphone and cash.
4. Don't say "Is a pastry shop still open" when stunningly beautiful girl who I'm really really crazy about is upset over losing her cellphone and cash. Even if you mean that you want to take her there to cheer her up. It gives the wrong idea. Believe me.

For those of you who haven't figured it out yet... SBGWIRRCA left her handbag unattended only to find her phone missing later on. Also found the cash from her wallet gone... fortunately her credit cards and car keys were untouched. Not too much cash gone... but its a pain getting all those phone numbers back.

Party ended. Girl in bad mood. Yours truly in a “It could've been worse" frame of mind. (Hey...at least I got something to write about after all this. Two people have actually posted comments on my previous entry.) Now working on reports. Maybe I really should learn how to dance.

This is practice: Stuff you won't see on Page 3

The man with two left feet flops again