This is practice: Nightmares and deja vu

Dawn Of The Dread...or the things they don't show in coming of age flicks...

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 14:48:51 GMT

My cousin Angshuman made an interesting observation last night. Of course, it was something that had crossed my mind before, but I'll give him credit for saying it out loud.

He said we'd become boring.

Fine, it was past midnight, I was half asleep and trying to make sense of what was left of "Blackhawk Down" so its likely he may have said something like "Since when did we become so boring?" in a fashion that made it more of a question than a statement...but I'm pretty sure thats what he meant.

Now I'm sure you, the blogging public who live to question every assertion and illustrate terms like 'cyberslacking' are looking forward to a critical examination of this statement. As of now you’re probably thinking on the lines of "Could this be true? No/Yes...no hold on...remember that time...why? Why now?" However, for the benefit of those who’d rather skip the reasoning and get straight to the conclusion - the answer is "No".

Seriously.

An alternative answer would be “Obviously Not - you bunch of intellectually challenged half brained twits!” but I believe you get the message. Anticipating your thirst for details, I shall now answer all those probing questions that allege that the old firm (est. 1980 though one of the founders showed up in 1977) has run out of gas.

Does this mean that “Weezer Week” is finally over?

Yes. *Singing* What’s the deal with my brain why am I so obviously insane? In the perfect situation I let love down the drain….

How can you call his observation ‘interesting’?

First of all…it was my observation. He just said it aloud first. Now that there are two of us thinking on those lines it qualifies as interesting.

What did you guys do with your last performance bonus?

Most of my money went into buying an apartment in the suburbs. Angshuman invested so as to avoid paying more tax on the money he was making.

Ha! And that is not boring because…?

Lets see…that apartment in the suburbs may someday become the ultimate bachelor pad once its ready… or I could make a killing by selling it off and use the proceeds towards buying out my neighbourhood book-shop … tax savings is our way of keeping the Government away from our money…which eventually go into buying more DVDs, books, comics and videogames. If my memory serves me right, most of my bonus went in paying off debts that had accumulated on account of my extremely interesting and travel rich lifestyle.

Dude…your neighbourhood bookshop happens to be “Crossword” at Kemps Corner.

No…take a left instead of taking a right and you’ll end up at Warden Book house at Warden Road. Plenty of good second hand stuff there.

Hmm…interesting. So what are you guys planning to do with your bonus this year?

Bonus…what bonus? Do you mind keeping it down? We don’t live in a tax haven y’know…

Ok…so what do you spend most of your money on?

Books, DVDs, Comics, entertainment, clothing, computer accessories, travel, petrol, motorcycle maintenance, loan instalments. Can we change the topic now? I’m sure they’re on to me…

Is it true your friends have more interesting jobs?

Lets see…a few of them make documentaries, which as we all remember is the stuff that would be telecast instead of your favourite show back in the day when there was only one TV channel. A couple of others are sociologists or work with NGOs which essentially means having to make a career out of your social studies textbook. (Kindly flashback to 8^th standard Civics and let me know how much you remember.) There are a few who are better off though…the freelancers, the ones who ‘work’ from home and the ones engaged in ‘research’ but we have cooler designations (Assistant Manager – Business Risk Services & Managing Editor – Quality Control & Publishing Intelligence.)

When was the last time you took a vacation? Why don’t you guys do a “Dil Chahta Hai” and drive down to Goa?

Diwali. Was at home and did absolutely nothing other then read comics, watch TV and laze around. As for DCH… we’re short one guy (not to mention the merc convertible). He’s in Calcutta…studying engineering or something…we thought of going there and bumming his playstation but that doesn’t sound interesting enough. Goa is where all the boring people go to lighten up. Now we would go to more exotic places like the North East, northern Sri Lanka, Nandigram, Orissa etc. but our jobs that help us maintain our super interesting lifestyles tend to get in the way. Also we have NO money. (Those of you who may be on to me may kindly take note.)

Any interesting plans for the future?

No plans. Live each day at a time and look forward to surprises…that’s part of the interesting lives we lead. Case in point…my mom decides to go to Delhi for a few days, which results in me being able to order DVDs from Delhi. His parents may visit in January, which means I send him comics. I go to Delhi for a training session, I pay for my own DVDs and show him where to buy comics in Delhi.

What’s with the ‘Dawn of the Dread’ title and what is it that they leave out of coming of age flicks? How does any of this prove that you guys are not boring?

So that’s it. The old firm which so far has been the pinnacle of laziness, sloppiness and disregard for authority has not run out of gas. We’re not boring…in fact, we’re probably better off than you, average reader who skipped through this entry because you were supposed to be ‘working’. We rock! Ha!

I’m not sure how that answers my question…

Yeah well, pay attention next time.

2006… and the stuff that stood out in it. Happy New Year.

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 08:04:27 GMT

Everyone else is doing it. Some guys who write for newspapers even get paid for it. So… here’s my summary of the year gone by… and its available for syndication.

1. Aurangabad.
2. Too little of Bombay and too much of Aurangabad.
3. F@%#ing Aurangabad.
4. Must… get…out… of… Aurangabad.
5. GRRRRRRRRR… why does everyone keep asking me why I’m still in Aurangabad?

Ok… let’s just skip to the Awards section.

Seemingly harmless words that nearly killed me this year- not, like, blunt, interested, travel, dance, pre-form, rod, core, draw, tower, report, timeline, review, presentation, clarifications, comments, thoughts, grading, checklist, reimbursement, claim, ticket, fiber.

Not so harmless words that nearly killed me this year - chemistry, aries, bureaucracy, physical, verification, deadline, organized, risk, management, optical, cell-phone, bill, casino, control, matrix ,audit, committee.

Scene of the year - Watching an entire team of policewomen (20 at least… all in red berets) manage to apprehend ONE overweight sari clad prostitute at VT Subway. The ten who got away were wearing jeans… and laughing all the while… because the cops were too dumb to have sentries at the escape routes. The cops sealed the pirated DVD stalls to make up for the excursion.

Find of the year - Orkut. Got me a bunch of comics that I could download. Met up with old friends (actionist – met up after 20 years, has cool blog and makes independent documentaries in Calcutta.) Noted that there were quite a lot of people in Bombay who were into comics… only they prefer calling them Graphic Novels. Unfortunately, it also made a lot of people find ME.

‘How the hell did that happen’ moment of the year - Pratibha Naithani’s PIL resulting in a ban on Star Movies & HBO in Bombay as a result of which most of us were deprived of movies like "Boa Vs.Python." “Dhoom 2” and “Vivah” striking gold at the box office. My family switching to low fat ingredients. Winning the first test at Johannesburg (gave us hope,) having more than enough money throughout the year.

Tech-upgrade(s) of the year - Switching to Firefox. Trading the Toshiba for a Thinkpad, GPRS, CDMA data card, broadband at home… and DivX.

Asset additions of the year –Pirated DVDs… I just couldn’t buy enough of them this year. Eastwood rocks.

Unexplained event(s) of the year - Not seeing the Ajanta and Ellora caves inspite of spending so much time in f@%#ing Aurangabad. The three weeks in Madhya Pradesh looking like a vacation. Regretting not spending more time in Bhopal (looked like a nice city.)

Bureaucratic event of the year - Trying to get a passport renewed. Tatkal, apparently isn’t as quick as the name suggests. The passport office… apparently, is one place where nothing seems to get a move on.

Blink and miss sports moment of the year - Zidanne’s head butt. Fell asleep during the world cup finals. That happens when BOTH teams you root for fail to make it to the finals. Wonder what all the fuss was all about. Frenchman using his head maybe?

Most disappointing cut shot of the year-Sachin Tendulkar’s shot at 63 during the first innings of the second test at Durban. We waited all year to see him in that kind of form… and he just HAD to play that shot off Ntini!

Longest 3 hours of the year - Time spent at PVR- Priya... watching Fanaa! Mr. Modi got it right for once.

Sportsperson of the year - Maria Sharapovaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Delusion of the year- Assuming that I shall remain a size 30 (waist) for the rest of my life and actually buying a size 30 a couple of days back. Too tight! Need to make it a comfortable fit in 2007.

Realization of the year - I’m a snobbish big city dweller working as a consultant helping the rich capitalists get richer and making a decent bit for myself in the process. I’LL BE LYNICHED WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES! Hope your year was much better.